Reckless Longing Read online

  Karen squeezed my shoulder. "Those darn phones. Gotta run!"

  I froze in the doorway, staring at him, overwhelmed with an unfathomable, totally unexpected wash of love that broke me and made me want to cry. This was my dad I was finally staring at up close. My flesh and blood.

  Most people go to college glad to escape their parents' rules and control. To go out on their own and do their own thing. I was doing it backwards, hoping my father took some kind of interest in my life. Even the tiniest bit. I had to bite my lip to keep it from trembling.

  "Come on in." He barely glanced at me, but his tone was friendly as he waved me in. "Don't be scared. I don't bite."

  Somehow I made my feet move, fighting my sentimental nature, waiting for him to look up and—what? Feel the bond I so suddenly felt? Embrace me as his long-lost heir? Cry with me?

  "Let me deal with this." His voice was nice, pleasant, not too high, not too deep. Not at all dad-like, just vital and confident. He was obviously stressed, but keeping it under control, not showing it. Such a refreshing change from my stepdads, who bellowed and raged at the slightest provocation.

  He hit a key, looked up at me, and smiled warmly, like he was genuinely happy to meet me.

  My heart did another odd little flip. I wondered what his smile would have looked like if he were meeting me for the first time the way he should have nineteen years ago, as a newborn placed in his arms. Would he have beamed with pride? What was the story behind me and why hadn't he been there?

  He stood and extended his hand for me to shake.

  As I looked in his eyes, I knew deep in my soul he was the man who'd fathered me. I didn't actually have a DNA report to prove it. But I knew in the way a baby knows its mother from birth, with primal instinct. Up close his eyes were a shade between green and hazel, like mine. But it was more than our eye color that connected us.

  "Call me Jason. Everyone does." As he shook my hand in his warm, confident grip, his brow furrowed.

  "Ellie Martin."

  The furrow deepened. He cocked his head, studying me with an intense gaze. "Have we met before?" He sounded puzzled. "You look familiar."

  I felt almost paralyzed with joy and fear. Ecstatic he felt the familiarity and panicked I'd be outed before I was ready. I smiled and shook my head. "No. I don't think so."

  His puzzled look remained. "I could swear… You remind me of someone."

  As I fought to hide my fear, I didn't help him out or give him any clues. To be honest, I didn't actually know whether I reminded him of Mom or himself, or his great aunt Martha. I kept smiling, feeling the effort as if my mouth was stretched against its will as my heart did a tap dance in my chest. "Maybe you've seen me on campus?"

  He didn't look convinced. He shook his head as if shaking some niggling, vague thought away. "Never mind. It'll come to me." He paused. "You come highly recommended, Ellie." He smiled again, but I could tell he was still trying to place me. "And not a moment too soon. We're swamped."

  I nodded. "I'm happy to be here."

  His office was cluttered with paperwork, cables, university brochures, and all kinds of software. A few university team posters hung on the walls—football, baseball, men's basketball, women's volleyball. No personal pictures. Nothing helpful in my quest to find out more about him. He had a single digital picture frame on his desk. It was turned off.

  Foiled again.

  "It's too crazy to train you today. We'll get to that later. Your regular assignment will be dispatching and managing our team of IT specialists. Today, I need you to help Karen with the phones. There's an empty desk next to hers. Sit there for now. She'll show you the ropes."

  I nodded.

  "Good." He glanced at his computer and scowled, letting out a deep breath. "Great. Another emergency."

  So this was our inauspicious first meeting. How I met my father.

  I was just about to leave and find Karen when there was a motion behind me.

  Jason looked up and grinned at someone over my shoulder. "Logan! Thank God, you're here." His grin turned to a frown of concern. "What happened to your eye? Run into a door?"

  That was when my heart stopped—like, literally thudded to a halt for a second. This could not be. Could not. What were the odds there were two Logans with black eyes on campus?

  My options ran through my mind in a flash. I was sunk. Short of vaporizing, there was no way to escape without him seeing me. Maybe, hopefully, he wasn't as hot as I remembered or as he looked on his Facebook page. Or as all those other girls thought he was.

  I was instantly glad I'd dressed up to meet Jason, but worried that in the full light of day, without the influence of a concussion messing with his judgment, Logan would realize I was ordinary and plain. Just another girl. I took a deep breath and turned around, feeling like I was moving in slow motion, seeing every frame of the room as it passed before my eyes.

  "This is—" Jason was saying.

  And there Logan stood before me, achingly beautiful, even marred with a black eye.

  "El!" Logan's face lit up like he'd just won a full-ride scholarship. "It is you."

  "Logan?" My heart leaped. I couldn't keep the wonder and surprise out of my voice. Hopefully it covered the awe and fluttery, embarrassed way I felt around him. "What do you mean—it is you? You mean you didn't recognize me from behind?"

  He didn't miss a beat, just grinned wickedly. "I thought it was you. I hoped it was you. But I've been disappointed a few times already today. Girls look surprisingly alike from behind. Without seeing your abs I couldn't be certain. How's the piercing?"

  Still just as charming. Maybe even hotter than I remembered. The eye was still ugly, but it was no longer swollen shut. Around the edges the dark purple was turning yellow-green. Now that the swelling was down, his cheekbones were more prominent and both eyes danced with joy.

  I blushed.

  Jason interrupted. "You two know each other?" He would have had to be dead not to notice the way the air between us crackled with attraction.

  I cursed myself for letting it show. Jason's tone was wary, like he really didn't need an office romance blooming between us. Like he'd hoped it would be a little longer before the new girl fell for Logan.

  "What's this about a piercing?" Jason sounded almost dad-like for the first time.

  I found it oddly touching. It was hard thinking of him as Jason, but "Dad" seemed even stranger. I was so used to mentally referring to him as him.

  "We met at Up All Night," I said.

  "I held her hand while she got her bellybutton pierced. Show it to him, El." Logan's eyes egged me on.

  I shook my head subtly and gave him a look that let him know I'd pay him back for teasing me later.

  Logan laughed.

  Jason smiled. "That won't be necessary. Well, this makes life easy. No introductions necessary."

  No. It made life incredibly complicated. There went my perfect memory. My perfect moment.

  "Sorry. I didn't catch your last name when we met." The look in Logan's eyes was victorious. There was no way to refuse him now and he knew it. He could check the records and find out anyway.

  I stared back at him with feigned confidence. "Martin. Ellie…Elizabeth Martin. Any other questions?"

  His grin was positively triumphant.

  Jason interrupted again. "Logan, get Ellie settled on the phones. Then get back in here. I need your debugging skills. Culver Aud is out of internet service. The business department is holding my ass to the fire."

  "This way, Ellie Elizabeth Martin." Logan led me to the desk next to Karen's and held a chair out for me.

  "And a gentleman, too," I said as I took a seat. "Sometimes."

  He just grinned as he pulled a chair up next to mine, way too near for comfort.

  "Watch your backside, Logan Walker. I'll get you for embarrassing me in front of the boss."

  He leaned close as he showed me how the phones worked and brought up the roster of on-call tech support reps. "I'd rather watch
yours."

  His nearness sent my pulse racing. I could barely think. How would I ever get any work done in this office with both him and my dad here to rattle me?

  "How do I know who to call for what?"

  "If in doubt, call me." He winked.

  I gently bumped his shoulder. "Seriously. I need to know. Do you want me to get fired my first day on the job?"

  "I don't want you to get fired, ever. The office would be too dull without you."

  Karen shot us a look warning us to stop flirting and start working.

  Logan caught it and gave me a quick, almost mockingly professional rundown of the techs, their strengths and weaknesses. "If you have any questions, ask Karen." He rolled his eyes and made a face.

  I stifled a laugh.

  He glanced at the clock. "Shit. Jason will have my ass if I don't get in there." He rolled back in his chair and stood. "What time are you off, El?"

  I liked the way he called me El. It was familiar, and maybe a little presumptuous since we just met. But I liked it all the same. "Five."

  "Yeah. Me too."

  Jason stepped out of his office. "Logan! Are you coming?"

  "Be there in a sec, boss." He turned to me. "Get a burger with me after our shift, colleague to colleague?"

  Karen was listening from her desk, I was sure of it. As bad of an idea as it was to get involved with a coworker in my bio dad's office, there was no way to politely refuse and not look like a jerk. Unless I pleaded an overload of homework.

  It was like he read my mind. He cut me off before I could speak. "I have tons of homework. But we have to eat, right?"

  "Sure. After work," I said. "At the SUB?"

  "It's a date."

  Why did my heart go crazy again?

  He grinned and winked. "Good luck."

  Karen watched Logan disappear into Jason's office and shut the door. When he was out of sight, she turned to me. "Logan's a great kid, don't get me wrong. He's a favorite of Jason's. He has a lot of charm and charisma. And a lot of problems.

  "The girls fall all over him." She paused, studying me. I got the feeling she really was trying to be nice. "Just watch yourself around him. He's a player."

  I blushed. "We're just acquaintances."

  She nodded like she didn't believe me, like her warning was falling on deaf ears. And maybe it was.

  The phones started ringing. I picked up. I was on the phone when Logan came out of Jason's office a few minutes later.

  "I have to go out on a call," he whispered to me as he leaned over my desk. "I'll meet you back here at five."

  I nodded and he took off. The next three hours were lightning busy, storm after storm of technical troubles. I didn't get a chance to ask Karen anything about Jason. I didn't even see him. He was locked in his office dealing with emergencies. And Logan was out in the field.

  I was off at five, but hung around, still working until five thirty, waiting too eagerly for Logan, hoping for another word or two with Jason, and trying to be generally helpful and not look like a clock-watcher. Logan didn't show up, text, or call.

  Karen gave me a sympathetic look, like she could read my disappointment with Logan as easily as she read her computer screen. "Go home and get some studying done. We could be here all night."

  I was crazy disappointed, really let down about being blown off, falling into the abyss after having been so high earlier. I mean, no matter how busy Logan was he could let me know he had to cancel. He was an IT genius, after all. He could find a way.

  I gathered my things and headed out, making mental excuses for Logan. Like they say, hope springs eternal. Maybe he'd lost track of time. Or maybe his phone battery had died.

  But I was jaded by the way Austin had treated me and my confidence was broken. I wasn't as trusting and forgiving as I used to be. The doubting side of me kept whispering Only a douchebag begs a girl to have a burger with him and then forgets about it. He doesn't care. He's just a terrible flirt. A player. Listen to Karen—forget him.

  I had thought Logan was different, sweet and thoughtful. An irrational anger welled up in me. He'd wrecked my perfect memory.

  I didn't like hanging on any guy's string. I'd had enough of that with Austin. I wouldn't be like my mom, making up all kinds of excuses for why her various husbands weren't where they were supposed to be or why they missed events that were important to her. Priorities, it all came down to priorities. And I was suddenly feeling like I had no priority at all with Logan.

  I was halfway to the SUB, lost in hurt, angry, self-doubting thoughts, when I heard someone calling my name. Down the street that ran perpendicular to the mall, Logan jogged toward me, his backpack swinging from his shoulder as he waved to get my attention. "El! Ellie!"

  I could have kept walking. Acted like I hadn't seen him. Dinner with him was such a bad idea. I never should have agreed to it in the first place, the sensible, cautious part of me warned.

  But blatantly blowing people off wasn't me. The contrite, worried look on his face stopped me. I was, quite simply, a sucker for him.

  Logan was out of breath when he reached me. "Hey. I thought I'd missed you. I tried to call the office to tell you I was running late, but the phones were constantly busy. I didn't have your number to text you. I'm sorry as hell, El."

  He caught my arm. "You're upset with me. It's my fault. I should have been prepared. Sent up a smoke signal. Something. Anything." From his tone, it was clear he was trying to tease me out of being irritated with him. "I've blown it already."

  "I think fires are illegal in the business building." I smiled at him.

  He grinned back.

  "You can make it up to me by filling me in on office politics." I was way too blatantly relieved and happy that he hadn't blown me off.

  "Over dinner. I'm starving and hate eating alone." He led the way into the SUB and then to the grill and cafe on the second floor.

  I could use my dining hall account at the grill, which I was grateful for. Money was tight. Mom was punishing me by withholding funds. I had enough to get by, but I had to be careful. And I wasn't going to let him pay.

  To my relief, he didn't try. We got our burgers and fries and headed to our table.

  "Logan!" A leggy brunette spotted him and ran over to give him a hug and coo her sympathy over his black eye. "What happened to you?"

  "Dangerous game of pool. Never play with Collin when he's drunk."

  She laughed. "I'll remember that." She looked right past me like I wasn't even there. "Coming to Collin's party Friday night?"

  "Wouldn't miss it."

  "Good. I'll see you there." There was way too much innuendo and promise in her simple "see you there."

  I couldn't believe I was jealous.

  She glanced at his burger, right past me again. "You better eat before that gets cold. See you Friday." She strolled off in the confident way girls who know they're attractive have.

  "Friend of yours?"

  Logan looked at me. "Yeah." He didn't elaborate and it was really none of my business. As he led the way to a table by the windows with a view of the practice football field below, he attracted more than his share of female attention. He was just that way. He walked confidently and was filled with infectious charm. Even if he hadn't been tall and handsome, my guess was that girls would love him anyway. Charisma can be as sexy as hot looks.

  We slid into chairs across from each other with the windows off to the side. Although it was comfortable and cool in the SUB, I was anything but at ease.

  Logan picked up his burger and peeled the wrapping back. "How was your first day in the office? Do you love it?"

  "Love it? You are a crazy optimist." I grabbed a bottle of ketchup and poured a puddle of it into the basket next to my fries. "It was hectic and confusing—"

  "And wonderful because I showed up." He had a smile in his eyes as he took a bite of his burger.

  I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that's it—wonderful. How was your day, honey?"

  He laughed
and winked me. "Cute." He grabbed the ketchup bottle and made a crisscross pattern of ketchup across his fries. "Mine was hectic, and wonderful because I ran into you, Ellie Elizabeth Martin."

  He was either an incredibly sweet guy, or, more likely, a player like Karen suggested. To hide my obvious pleasure from him, I looked at his fries and winced.

  "What?" He followed my line of sight.

  "Your fries are going to get soggy." I made a point of shuddering.

  He looked at mine and spoke in a sexy voice. "Maybe I like soggy." He winked while I tried not to blush. "You're obviously a dipper."

  I sighed dramatically. "Irreconcilable differences. I suppose as just coworkers we'll have to put our differences aside for the sake of office peace."

  He grinned as I realized that came out all wrong. It sounded like I was hinting for more, practically begging him to ask me out. I was sure he was used to girls who falling all over him. But in my case, nothing could be further from the truth. I was trying to subtly let him know how things stood between us—just coworkers, nothing else. Period. Jason and Karen had already made it clear office romances were frowned on. And the last thing I needed was to alienate my father before I got to know him. Or lose my job.

  I cursed fate for putting me in the path of this gorgeous, adorably sweet guy, dangling him in front of me to heal my broken heart, and then snatching him away in a cruel twist. He was Jason's favorite, way too close with him for me to trust. What if I gave myself away? What if he reported back to Jason that I was asking too many questions about him?

  I was delirious that Logan was flirting with me and balancing precariously on the edge of the abyss of certain future unhappiness.

  Logan made a show of eating a handful of ketchup-sogged fries. "Seriously, work was crazy. I had to battle one fire after another. Dr. Hall was an absolute shit about being without internet during his lecture. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't tell him that being without internet access, maybe some of the students actually listened to his dull lecture."

  "You're awful. But I do admire a man with self-control." I took a bite of burger and tried not to stare too hard at him. He was way too easy on my eyes.