Hushed Read online

  "Infamous?" What had Zach said about me? I shot him an inquiring look.

  The bell rang before either guy could answer. The instructor, Chef Steven, took the podium.

  I pulled my laptop out to take notes. No, my intuition is wrong this time. But my gaze kept drifting back to Seth. No, not him. Definitely not him. He can't be the good thing I've had a feeling about.

  Seth

  Maddie. Maddie. Maddie. She was hot. Simply gorgeous. I couldn't get her out of my mind. I barely heard Chef Steven's lecture. Something about kitchen safety and the set of knives we were supposed to order for lab. She'd messed with my mind so badly I couldn't concentrate. If I accidentally sliced my finger off in the kitchen, it was good to know it would all be because of a girl. Then again, what wasn't?

  I hadn't been looking for a girl. Certainly not in this class, among the usual HBM suspects and Zach's food science buddies. Then I spotted Maddie all alone in a row of seats and was mesmerized. Partly by her indifference to me. Give me a challenge and I will take it.

  When class ended, she grabbed her backpack and dashed into the far aisle like she was in a big hurry to escape. Like we had BO or something.

  I pushed Zach and Kayla to keep up with her, almost running over them to get next to her. I couldn't let her escape without making an impression.

  "Maddie?" I grabbed her arm, stopping her from disappearing into the crowded hall. As I did, I caught a whiff of her perfume. "Where's the fire? Come get some coffee with us."

  She looked into my eyes and away again just as quickly. "Thanks. I can't. My next class is across campus."

  "Maybe another time?"

  She nodded.

  "When's your lab?"

  Her eyes were wide as she answered, "Thursday at one."

  "Good." I grinned down at her. "So's mine. I'll see you there." I released her arm.

  She nodded and raced off.

  Zach and Kayla came up beside me.

  "So's yours?" Kayla laughed at me. "You have lab tomorrow at nine."

  "Not anymore." I watched Maddie until she disappeared around a corner. "I think she likes me."

  Kayla shook her head. "Yeah. Sure looks that way." She shoved me playfully and pointed between us. "I think she thinks you and me…"

  "No." I shook my head. Kayla had a douchebag boyfriend named Eric. She and I were just pals. Had been since I started working at the house.

  Zach lifted one eyebrow, like he agreed with her.

  "Shit," I said. "Zach, buddy, wingman, you're going to have to talk me up and make it clear I'm single."

  "If she's interested, she'll check out your status online," he said.

  I shook my head. "Not all of us update that shit."

  "Guys!" Kayla sighed. "I have a class across campus, too. I have to run." She rolled her eyes and grinned before turning to walk off.

  I watched her go and turned to Zach. "You've been holding out on me. How come you never mentioned how hot Maddie is? One look at her and you know she's my type."

  Zach rolled his eyes. "Dude, I told you about Maddie. Dozens of times. I even tried to set you up. Before I realized she's totally sweet and deserves better than a commitment-phobe like you."

  I looked at him blankly. I didn't remember him mentioning Maddie as anything but a smart chick.

  He laughed. "You were after some other girl at the time. You blew me off. Why would I push it? I gave up."

  Zach started walking. "You missed your opp, dude. Did you see the way she ran off like she couldn't stand the sight of your ugly face? Maddie's not into your type."

  "My type? What's that supposed to mean?" I fell into step with him.

  He punched me playfully in the arm. "Guys who rely on their looks and charisma to get by."

  "You're saying I have no substance? Bullshit."

  "Not me, bro." Zach kept walking. "You said it." He pushed the door to the outside open. "But if the shoe fits…"

  "You're full of crap." I took a deep breath of the bracing air.

  "Make it easy on yourself—don't change your lab to get into hers. Leave her alone. You're setting yourself up for failure."

  Like hell, I thought. Maddie was the first girl I'd met in a long time who intrigued me.

  Chapter 2

  Maddie

  My brother lived in a rented house on a hill across town from campus in the professional, and new, part of town. The house had a spectacular view of campus and the signature clock tower, and rolling wheat fields. He picked me up after my last class of the day. I studied Ian while he drove.

  He frowned. "What's wrong? Do I have something on my face?"

  I scrunched my mouth to one side and looked at him like he was under my microscope, trying not to laugh at my own inside joke. And make him uncomfortable at the same time. How had I confused Seth for him? "No. You're fine."

  "Then what's wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that?"

  "I'm trying to decide what the girls see in you." I was really trying to analyze my instant attraction to Seth.

  When Ian grinned, his smile was eerily like Seth's. Or maybe Seth's was eerily like his. Ian was older and I'd known him all my life, so he should be the standard.

  "Isn't it obvious?" he said.

  I shook my head. "Oh, brother! And I mean that literally." I sighed with mock exasperation.

  He pulled into a spot in front of my favorite Chinese restaurant and shut off the car. "I'll run in and pick up our carryout. I'll be just a minute. Are you coming in or waiting in the car?"

  "Coming in, of course." I slid out of the car and met him at the door.

  He held the restaurant door open for me. When he stepped inside next to me, I slid my arm through his and laughed as I leaned my head on his shoulder. And batted my eyes at him like he was just the most adorable thing on the planet. Like I was madly in love with him and totally flirting with him.

  He shook his head. "Not that again! I thought you'd outgrown pretending I'm your boyfriend to impress your friends." He grinned and glanced pointedly around the near-empty place. "Who are you trying to impress?"

  "No one. I'll never outgrow teasing you, big bro."

  As a kid, I used to use him for a fake boyfriend to make all the other girls green with envy. We were both blond, but we didn't look alike. Which helped with the deception. "Besides, dating a prof is hot!"

  He sighed like he was resigned. And let me hang on his arm as if he barely tolerated it as we walked to the counter. He'd called in an order. It was waiting for us. He put up with me making a show of pretending we were a couple.

  "First meal together in our new house," I said to the girl at the counter in a giddy, gooey voice. That sickening we're-so-in-love-and-want-everyone-to-know-it voice.

  "Ah!" she said, like that was so sweet! "Congratulations."

  Man, this place really should hire someone who wasn't quite so naïve.

  I was shaking with laughter when we reached the car.

  "That was cruel," Ian said.

  "But fun!"

  He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  The drive to his house took less than ten minutes. I carried the food in and set it on the counter of his gleaming kitchen, with its totally unused stainless steel appliances. He'd moved in less than a week ago and clearly hadn't made use of the kitchen yet. There were boxes everywhere.

  "We could have eaten at the restaurant," I said, looking around, hoping he'd unpacked some dishes.

  "And put up with you making eyes at me like it was a great joke? And playing footsie under the table? No thanks."

  I laughed and looked around for dishes. "Um, plates?"

  "No idea. Eating out of the cartons is part of the fun." He opened the bag. "Chopsticks! Excellent. I haven't unpacked the flatware yet, either."

  "You're becoming an absentminded professor." I opened his fridge and grabbed two cans of beer and put them on the table. "Like I said, we could have eaten at the restaurant."

  He shook his head. "I wanted to u
se the kitchen."

  "You call this using the kitchen?" I carried the cartons of takeout to the table and opened them up.

  He handed me a pair of chopsticks. "I wanted to talk to you in private, okay? Sib to sib. No prying eyes."

  I dug into my food. "That sounds ominous." Bad news ran counter to my gut good feeling about the semester. "And here I thought you just wanted to hear about my first couple days of class. And tell me about yours."

  I shot him a worried look, trying to sound teasing to cover my fears. "Are the girls in your classes already falling all over themselves to get to know the dreamy Dr. Foster? Office hours packed full of helpless coeds desperate for your, ahem, knowledge?" I laughed again.

  "Can it, kid sis."

  "I worry about you, Ian. Personally, I don't see your appeal." I grinned to cover my apprehension. "But girls tell me you're hot. Way too hot to be a chemistry prof."

  An image of Seth flashed through my mind. Why couldn't I get him out of it?

  Even though I was teasing Ian, this was serious business. Ian had left his last position over some baseless accusations made by a grad student TA of his. She'd been in love with him and jealous when he "spurned her" for a fellow professor. Even though he'd never encouraged her affections in any way. In retaliation, she accused him of falsifying his research and making unwanted advances toward her. One look at her and anyone could tell she wasn't Ian's type.

  The university had investigated and proved to their satisfaction that her accusations were false. But Ian left anyway, feeling his reputation had been irreparably damaged and it was better for everyone if he moved on.

  Now he'd walked into a chemistry department rocked by a sexual scandal from last semester. A female professor was accused of raping several male students over the years. She was awaiting trial. The student newspaper was full of the story. I would have liked a smoother start for him. Walking into a department in turmoil wasn't what Ian needed.

  He laughed my concerns off. "Nothing to worry about. No one's written their phone number on their eyelids yet."

  "Yeah, well, chem profs don't really have that Indiana Jones thing going for them anyway." I stared at him, wondering what my brother was up to. And why, now at semester, he'd decided to invade my university when he'd had other offers.

  My major required a lot of chemistry classes. Fortunately, I'd finished the last of them—biochemistry—last semester, neatly avoiding having to take any classes from my older brother. I wondered if that had played into his consideration at all. He was now free to invade my territory without having me underfoot in class and getting into the questionable ethics of having to grade his sister's work.

  He claimed the university had offered him the most money and opportunity. It certainly presented the greatest challenges.

  I shook my head. "Of all the universities in the world, you had to walk into mine, big bro."

  "Still miffed about that?" He dug into his takeout carton.

  "Not upset. Suspicious." I leaned toward him. "What are you up to? Besides spying on me for Mom."

  "I'm not spying." He winked at me. "Why would I do that?"

  I rolled my eyes. More likely he was here to protect and big brother me to death.

  He laughed, becoming serious in the very next breath. "Come on, Mads. You're the only sibling I have. You can't blame me for wanting to protect you and get close to you. When I left for college, you were barely four. Do you even remember what it was like when I was at home?" He held my gaze steadily.

  I tried not to look guilty. But the truth was, I had only sketchy memories, just snatches of life with him before he left for college. Of him playing with me. Of going to his games. Of his pretty girlfriend, who looked like a princess in her prom dress. I wasn't good with a poker face. Too late I realized he could read my thoughts.

  He nodded. "That's what I thought. It's just you, me, and Mom now. You can't blame me for trying to bond with you, baby sis. Before you're out in the big, bad work world and get too busy for me."

  I swallowed hard, feeling guilty for not keeping up as much since I'd come to college. "I'll never be too busy for you!"

  I hadn't known my brother was the sentimental type.

  I wished he would find someone and get married. In elementary school, I'd dreamed of being an aunt by the time I was twelve and got my babysitting card. Watching a little niece or nephew like my friend Carly did had sounded so cool. Those childish hopes had been pretty much dashed. I remained the baby of the family.

  He continued studying me. "Have you ever wondered why there's such a large gap between you and me? Fourteen years. I'm almost old enough to be your dad."

  "A very young dad," I pointed out.

  He smiled. "A scandalously young dad." He paused. "I was in high school when you were born. Mom and Dad were within a few years of being empty nesters. Why did they start over again?"

  I laughed. "Because without me, there was a big hole in their lives."

  He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that must be it." He paused again. "I'm serious, Mads. If you'd been an accident, I could see it."

  He frowned like he was thinking over a puzzle. "But that wasn't the case. I remember them trying to get pregnant with you. All the medical procedures and Mom crying when they failed. It's no secret they got married because Mom was pregnant with me. Then they have a fourteen-year dry spell?"

  I took a deep breath and shrugged. "Stop sounding like there was something strange going on. A conspiracy. You know as well as I do that Dad had cancer right after you were born. The treatment made him infertile. They had to go through years of infertility procedures to get me. And several miscarriages before I finally stuck."

  He got that teasing look on his face. "I can't believe you bought that story. I've told you the truth a million times—you were left on our doorstep. When we heard you crying, I told Mom and Dad not to answer the door. That it would only mean trouble. Would they listen? No. They were too tender-hearted. Once they opened the door, they couldn't leave you out in the cold."

  "Shut up. I am not adopted. And I don't believe that story anymore." I laughed. "But I am tenacious and strong-willed. That's why I'm here." I paused. "I look just like Mom and you know it."

  "Yeah," he said, smiling at me. "But after all that time, why didn't they give up? By then, having another kid was like starting all over again with a second family."

  I sighed. "You think too hard on things. If you're that curious, ask Mom."

  He frowned. "I've tried. Numerous times. She gives me the same old vague answer. They wanted another child."

  I shrugged. "Maybe that's the simple truth. It sounds reasonable to me."

  He still looked skeptical. I froze with my chopsticks halfway to my mouth. "What? What are you thinking?"

  "Nothing." He paused. "Mom wasn't exactly thrilled when I decided to take the position here. She wasn't her usual excited self when you decided to go here, either. Have you ever wondered why? Why doesn't she ever talk about her college experience?"

  "Maybe because there's not much to tell." I'd never really thought much about it. "She dropped out after just a year and got married." I paused. "You think there's more to the story?"

  He grinned. "There's always more to the story."

  Now he was being evasive.

  He reached for an egg roll and got a faraway look in his eyes. "Mads, you're here. Mom and Dad met here. Our family history is here. I have a gut feeling this is where I need to be right now. Does that sound crazy?"

  Yeah, Ian was really my brother. Us and our intuition. At least we understood each other.

  "No, not at all." I meant it.

  He stared into his carton of orange chicken and then back up at me. "I miss Dad, Mads. Every day." His Adam's apple bobbed. "I feel close to him here. Like even though he's gone, I feel like I'll get to know him better here. The young Dad, the healthy Dad. The one Mom fell in love with."

  I reached across the table and squeezed my brother's hand, fighting back a sudden wel
ling of tears. Dad died my junior year in high school. Over four years ago. But we never stopped missing him.

  "I can't argue with that. I'm here, too, because of him. I knew it would make him happy if I went to his alma mater."

  I hesitated, weighing whether I should say what was on my mind. Thinking about Dad brought up the uncomfortable subject of Mom's new fiancé. "Do you think Ken really makes Mom happy?"

  Ian stared at me like he wasn't sure what I was asking. "Sure. I wouldn't have agreed to give her away if I had any doubts. Why?"

  Ian was protective of Mom, too. If he wasn't concerned, maybe I was just imagining things.

  "I don't know. I'm her maid of honor." I paused again, trying to phrase things so Ian wouldn't miss my point. "So I feel guilty for even saying it, but…it seems to me like she's settling."

  Ian squeezed my hand and shook it a little. "Maddie, no one's going to replace Dad. You don't have to worry about that. Ken doesn't have to be like Dad for Mom to be happy. He's a good guy."

  I couldn't help frowning. Ian kept misunderstanding. "Yes, but…he's steady and reliable, just like Mom has always told me I should look for. She's big into that. Like you can learn to love a reliable guy. But does she love him?"

  Ian gave my hand one final squeeze and released it, frowning now, too. "I'm sure she does. They've been friends since she and Dad first married."

  "Yes," I said. "I'm sure she loves him like a friend. But does she love him?"

  "I'd rather not think about that." Ian did an exaggerated hate shiver and made a look of disgust.

  I laughed at my brother's antics. I couldn't help myself. He always knew how to lighten the mood. But even though I was laughing, I still wondered. There was a part of me that wanted to see Mom fall in love, really in love. Like a giddy girl. She needed some sizzle in her life.

  Ian was watching me. "Maddie? You're wearing your wishing look. What are you wishing for now?"

  I shrugged. "Am I?"

  Ian swore beneath his breath. "Come on, Mads. Don't make me guess."

  "I just think Mom deserves to be swept off her feet once in her life. To be madly, passionately in love."